Bat-Dream

(The following actually transpired in my dream last night. Observations and analysis provided in footnote form.)

It's the pilot episode of Wayne Enterprises, a TV semi-reboot of Nolan's Batman franchise featuring a younger and more marketable actor as Bruce Wayne¹ and an emphasis on smaller-scale threats to Gotham—some villains, some mere troublemakers, but no supervillains. The gist is, this is what Batman does in between blockbuster-scale threats.

Open on a boardroom, discussing a thorn in the company's side: a take-no-prisoners alternative-media journalist (MADtv's Debra Wilson) who seems bent on portraying Wayne Enterprises in the worst possible light, using flimsy and out-of-context evidence. They call her…"Bane."²

Bruce tells the board (via a flashback) that he's met her, at some clothing store in what he's now convinced was no chance encounter. But he assures the board that she's probably willing to listen to reason, and therefore not a serious threat to the company, and that either way, he'll handle it—ignoring their perplexed reaction.

Cut to Bruce driving his own limo, as incognito as Bruce can be—but the limo's sort of a Batmobile Jr., outfitted with all kinds of high-tech controls in both the driver's compartment and the (currently unoccupied) passenger compartment. Bruce has used his considerable means to identify Bane's car, and is following it at a discreet distance on a freeway. He initiates an infrared scan of her car using a Bond-like outfolding center console…and detects an anomalous heat signature on a rear edge, close to the gas tank. The limo's computer calculates a high probability that it's a bomb.

Bruce is genuinely surprised, and considers two possibilities. One: Miss Bane here is a terrorist and/or industrial saboteur, about to bomb some facility that's part of Wayne Enterprises' interests. Two: Bane's about to be the victim—has some other target of her nosy reporting decided to dispose of her? Either way, Bruce has to intervene.

Then I woke up.

1 - Throughout the dream, I perceived things from Wayne's perspective, initially as the character, then as myself observing this TV show, but in neither case was the actor identified.

2 - On account of some old dude on the board saying "She is the BANE of our existence!", I'd guess. And maybe they don't want to try to pronounce her real name or something.

Review: Mega Piranha

If you're actually reading this rather than scrolling past it, you're doubtlessly asking yourself the same question I do whenever I see one of these Asylum cheapies on Netflix Instant:

"Is it fun-bad, or just bad-bad?"

I'm happy to report this one is solidly in the former camp. You get:

• A ridiculous story involving exponentially-growing piranha developed by well-meaning scientists whose goal was…to feed the poor? Maybe they left out the rest of that line of dialogue ("…to the piranha").
• Has-beens and Never-wases as our leads: '80s pop star Tiffany, one of the Brady kids as the senator, a villain who periodically forgets what kind of accent he's supposed to have, and a (snicker) Navy SEAL hero who I can only assume is a stunt actor. We'll call him Sgt. Meatface, because it suits him.
• Truly laughable special effects—as in, not just groan-inducingly bad. You'll blurt out in astonished, yelping laughter just like you did in Birdemic, although not as often. (Don't think for a moment that Mega Piranha out-Birdemics Birdemic.)
• Whimsically obvious errors like the Venezuelan junta (look, I don't know, ask them) driving SUVs with California plates.

Review: Iron Sky

When it comes to Nazis-on-the-Moon movies, I can't finish that sentence.

Iron Sky involves a colony of Moon Nazis who get discovered by near-future astronauts, capturing one and accelerating their Earth invasion plans as a result of the encounter. They are opposed by the U.S. president (an unnamed Sarah Palin analogue), her campaign manager, the captured astronaut (he escapes—not a huge spoiler), and the "nice Nazi," whose existence is again not much of a spoiler.