Review: The Comedy

Have you ever wondered—and I mean really sat and pondered and extrapolated the consequences—about what your life would be like if you had an effectively limitless amount of money?

While watching The Comedy, I thought about this, and found myself thinking of sandbox-style video games in which you can use cheat codes, like Skyrim or Grand Theft Auto. Whenever I cheat at those games, the normally immersive and addictive experience suddenly becomes much emptier, and I find myself fucking around with NPCs in much the same way The Comedy's protagonist fucks around with everyone he encounters. He's totally the kind of guy who would pick a house's front door lock, wander into the dining room, ignore the occupants' demands that he leave, and shout "FUS-ROH!" at the dining table just to watch all their shit go flying everywhere.

Review: Duel of the Titans

Among the notable names of the 1960s Italian sword-and-sandal scene was Steve Reeves, who played Hercules in two movies familiar to MST3K fans. I was delighted last week to discover a movie on Netflix Instant—Duel of the Titans—that not only stars Steve Reeves but also Gordon Brown (whom you might remember as the awkwardly-named secret agent Bart Fargo from another MSTed Italian '60s flick, Danger! Death Ray). In Duel of the Titans, they play the legendary founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus, respectively—and while all the ingredients are there for another baffling, disjointed Hercules Unchained-esque spectacle, it actually turned out to be pretty good.

Review: Knives of the Avenger

As stupid sword-and-sorcery movies go, Knives of the Avenger (on Netflix Instant) is less stupid than many, but short on both swords and sorcery. It's also short on story—its simplicity and predictability make the film seem as if it may have been intended for children, except for the rape.

The sorcery is entirely dispensed with early on, after a tediously long opening sequence involving some sort of soothsaying witch. It's her cryptic exposition that clues us in that this is supposed to be a Viking movie. She persuades some Bond-girl-esque queen and her strange-looking son to flee the land, just before the antagonist (Argin? Argyle? something like that) shows up to mock and torment the witch.

Why all this is happening isn't revealed for what feels like an hour, after our hero has finally been introduced. He's played by Cameron Mitchell (Captain Santa Claus in Space Mutiny and head evil guy in Stranded in Space) in a bad dye job. His character's name is Rorik or Rurik or something, but that's technically a spoiler—not that you will care. You'll be too distracted by his terrifying similarity to Zapp Branigan in the hair and skirt departments.

Review: Wreck-It Ralph

First off, Pixar is awesome. Second...this isn't Pixar, but it's still better-than-average Disney.

Any doubt about whether this could be Pixar is resolved in Wreck-It Ralph's most execrable moment: the Rihanna song. Every other "Disneyish" attribute could be overlooked—the misfit protagonist, the cute and sassy sidekick, the too-easy marketability of characters and chase sequences—but for the Rihanna song, to which one's attention is inescapably drawn, even, I have to guess, if one lives a Rihanna-intensive lifestyle. Pop songs in movies whose settings are anything other than contemporary are always out of place and always take us out of the moment. Pixar understands this, and while we can (and in my view, must) criticize Pixar for their overuse of Randy Newman, at least he's not Rihanna.

Review: The Killing Fields

So last night I theorized that the best way to dull the inevitably depressing impact of another election night would be to watch a movie sure to be more depressing than any exercise of democratic rights, no matter how empty. I watched The Killing Fields :D

In retrospect I think this may have been a kind of brilliant ploy to combat election fatigue, and to put all the breathless coverage into perspective. This is one of those movies that's full of unrelenting, historically-accurate brutality arising from the rapid breakdown of a society. So completely did it inoculate me against overreacting to every little announcement last night that I'm now thinking, in four years, I'll want to make sure I have Hotel Rwanda handy.

Review: The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption

Netflix recently sent me The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Scorpion King or whatever it's called. About twenty minutes in I shut it off because I realized I'd already seen it. That I could remember nothing at all about it didn't deter me from moving right on to Netflix Instant for The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption, which should convey something about the degree to which I care about this franchise.

To be clear, though, my full opinion of the franchise is that The Scorpion King was good, stupid fun, and is one of those The Rock movies that you can just watch and enjoy: decent action, only slightly insulting dialogue, and adequate performances all around. Both of TSK1's direct-to-video sequels lack The Rock, however, and must be approached with the appropriate level of caution.

About the second one I will say nothing except that it's a prequel (the origin story of the Scorpion King, so The Rock's successor is younger) and that some other pro wrestler plays the villain, who is supposed to be history's King Sargon. From the opening scenes I saw (and had apparently seen before) his performance is as nuanced and believable as those of the very finest actors in, say, Birdemic.

First Post

Welcome to my new blog!

...That's all I got for now. Just testing out the software and hammering out the layout.

Eventually I plan to use this space for reviews of movies & books, maybe some rambling opinion pieces... Sometimes you just gotta write something.